Occasionally, one of my friends will suggest that I write a rap song about a specific topic, or that I include certain words in my lyrics. Sometimes they're fun ideas (I still intend to include the line "my brain's different like Lane Kiffin" somewhere in a track one day, person I drunkenly promised that to), and sometimes they're absolute shit ("You should rap about bunnies! No one is rapping about bunnies!"). Either way, they're always amusing and appreciated.
Well they were until today.
Ladies and gentlemen, in the Long Long Ago, I co-ran a blog called "The Gallimaufry" with my dear friend Tim Garry, aka Mike Pemulis, aka Bad Dad, aka MC Agitated Colon*. I thought it'd be a nice gesture to ask Tim if he'd like to contribute something to my new blog. He apparently heard "help me write my next rap album."
*Copyright BRBRCK, 2014
Without further ado, here's a bunch of lyrics that WON'T be on my next album, presented by this guy (Warning: Post contains swear words, which I bet you won't mind, considering you're on this site):
I’m a gator I’m contagious call me Tim Te-bola
Got my dick in ya throat and ya screamin’ RICOLA
got bitches on my nuts like im covered in peanut butter
now put 3 fingers in my b-hole. bitch did i stutter?
got that political shit but with the jokes ya call me fozzy
wakka wakka motherfucker now let me tell you 'bout Benghazi
chillin’ wit mah boo watchin’ That’s so Raven
maybe later watch a flick – scary shit. Wes craven.
I wish I was like six-foot-nine
So I can get with Leoshi
'Cause she don't know me but yo she's really fine
You know, I see her all the time
Everywhere I go and even in my dreams
I can scheme a way to make her mine
I was a teenage dirtbag - wheatus
Now I’m gettin’ high on my homeboy Jesus
I’m a fly I’m a tick I’m a bee I’ma bug ya all day
Wit kissy face emojis ‘spressin what I wanna say
I aint got guns and knives scare me silly
All you other rappers just please don’t kill me
Got any you'd like to submit? Let me hear it in the comments.
BRBRCK is a rapper and producer (and blogger, obviously) based in Brooklyn, NY. Check out his musical stylings here.