Godzilla vs. The Incredible Hulk: Stephen Sumner Edition

If you thought we were finished with this topic after Graham Skipper's Five-Part Epic, you are SORELY mistaken, friends. Today we're joined by a longtime friend and fellow Dudeist Monk, Stephen Sumner.

Ebola. Global Warming. ISIS. Justin Bieber.

There are many horrors in our time, all needing serious consideration and analysis.

However, there is one topic on the minds of most, so complex and divisive, discussion of it is avoided in polite circles and only whispered about in the basements of comic book stores across the globe.

Who would win in a fight between the Hulk and Godzilla?

Many argue that it would be the latter. After all, Godzilla is gigantic, has impenetrable skin, and can breathe radioactive rays of death.

But defenders of the lizard from Japan are only fooling themselves.

Although outclassed in size, the Hulk is indestructible and has almost limitless strength. Some may mistakenly think him a bit mentally deficient because of his limited vocabulary, but he shares the same mind as Bruce Banner, and it is safe to posit that the Hulk has higher levels of cognitive functioning than Godzilla.

A battle between the two would be over in minutes, for brains would win over size.


When Godzilla is opening his mouth to let out a mighty roar, the Hulk jumps into it, scrambles up through the reptile’s air passageways, and bursts through the sinuses into Godzilla’s brain cavity. Once there, he bounces around like a piece of shrapnel ricocheting inside a Panzer tank, ripping all kaiju neural pathways into a state of pure goo.

The debate that is tearing families, communities, and nations apart need continue no more.

Be at peace my friends. Be at peace.

Stephen Sumner is Executive Editor and Founder of OpHuMod.com. He can be followed on Twitter at Sumner@OpHuMod and on the Tumblr machine at OptimalHumanModulation. If you’re more inclined to Facebook, check out the OpHuMod FB Page.