Godzilla vs. The Incredible Hulk, Pt. 3: Hulk Smashed?

Hello friends and intrepid travelers of the Internet! This is a guest-blogger series that spends entirely too much time theorizing who'd win in a fight: Godzilla or The Incredible Hulk. Welcome to Part 3 of the epic battle as told by the one-and-only Graham Skipper. You can check out Part 1 and Part 2 right chyeah. We last left Hulk flattened under the foot of a 300-foot tall lizard.

Godzilla is, in his way, content. As if stamping out an insect, the lizard drives his foot down a little bit more, just to make sure the nuisance is truly dead.

Then...PAIN! The Hulk BITES DOWN on the bottom of Godzilla’s foot, a searing pain shooting up through the lizard’s leg and causing the beast to lift his foot and howl furiously. He shakes his foot to free himself from the little monster that still hangs on with his teeth - how is this thing so strong?

Hulk grins as he hangs on with his chompers - he’s always taken pride in his pearly whites - and desperately tries not to let go. But that becomes significantly more difficult when Big Green begins to stomp Hulk repeatedly into the ground. First into flat concrete, then into cars, buses, low buildings...and then on top of an ancient temple, with a decidedly pointy spire sticking straight up.

The spire pierces Hulk’s shoulder! The Hulk lets go and cries out as the golden spire impales all the way through. Hulk is hurt, pretty badly...but not badly enough. He pulls the spike out and looks up to Godzilla with an intense anger. In a single moment, his wound heals - eat your heart out, Wolverine - and he hurls the spire as a spear up at the lizard’s chest.

But the spike bounces off without a problem. The beast’s hide, it would seem, is pretty tough.

Content that the bug will no longer be a nuisance, Godzilla turns around and resumes his “cleansing” rampage, working his way closer to the city center.

As he turns, his enormous tail levels several city blocks, but Hulk is ready. He grabs a hold of the tail and digs in his feet, preventing the monster from moving! Godzilla tries to lurch forward, but feels as if the ground itself is preventing him from walking forward. He looks back at the tiny green thing holding onto his tail and growls as Hulk grunts, slowly beginning to spin with the monster!

It’s very hard, but soon Hulk is able to get the beast moving ever so slightly. His plan had been to hurl the beast into space, but it’s just too big. So he’ll settle with knocking him into a few skyscrapers before tipping him off-balance. It works, and Godzilla stumbles across several city blocks before finally falling ungracefully across Harajuku. Goth dresses go flying like birds escaping a catastrophe.

Now is Hulk’s chance. The Hulk runs as fast as he can and leaps high into the air, straight towards Godzilla’s downed head. Out of nowhere, however, like a baseball bat hitting a ball, the lizard’s tail slams into Hulk’s body and sends him flying across Tokyo all the way into the neon electric haven of Akihabara! He tumbles through a video game store and lands in a huge arcade, his head comically thudding against a taiko drum game and signaling pop music to start playing.

As Godzilla lumbers to his feet, Hulk gets mad. HULK HATE POP MUSIC! He smashes the rest of the games in the arcade and heads back out to the street.

From a great distance away, Godzilla marches towards the pest - now not so much a pest as a true enemy - the ground shaking as if from an earthquake as he approaches.

But Hulk stands his ground - now a little big bigger, and stronger, than he was before because the pop music made him so damned angry.

The beast stands tall as it looks at the puny Hulk standing in the middle of the street. Hulk stares the monster down, unafraid.

With a furious scream, Hulk CLAPS HIS HANDS TOGETHER, creating a SONIC BOOM that hurtles forward into Godzilla’s belly.

It does nothing.





BRBRCK is a rapper and producer (and blogger, obviously) based in Brooklyn, NY. Check out his musical stylings here.